This is how to beat procrastination

Have you ever procrastinated?

Okay, that’s probably a silly question. Almost everyone falls prey to this time-wasting practice at some point, some of us often.

So, what’s that about? Why do you get tempted into doing anything but whatever it is you know you need to do, but somehow don’t want to?


Procrastination as a coping mechanism

An interesting answer I heard to this recently was stress.

I’d thought about procrastination in terms of fear before now, and feeling divided. There’s a part of you that is afraid of failing at that task, so it gives you reasons not to do it, while another part of you gives you justifications for why you deserve to do something else, anything else.

Still, the idea that procrastination is a coping mechanism for stress fits within those ideas, and expands on them. It explains more forms of procrastination, without negating the parts model. After all, sometimes you may procrastinate because a task seems boring, rather than because you feel you can’t do it. It still makes you feel uncomfortable, even if it’s not difficult.

Whenever something feels overwhelming in some way – too hard, too boring, too uncertain, not enough time to get it done – a part of you wants to avoid it. And that’s when procrastination kicks in.

Does it matter if you procrastinate?

Dilly-dallying when you have something you need to get done can lead to serious problems.

It’s like the old saying: ‘A stitch in time saves nine’. If you sew up a hole when it first appears, it’ll take a minute, and a tiny bit of thread. If you leave it to get caught on things and cause a serious rip, you may not be able to fix it at all.

In the same way, at least here in the UK, if you pay a parking fine straight away, it’s far cheaper than if you drag it out. And if you don’t pay it until you’ve been taken to court, you’ll also be paying fines, interest and legal fees!

All told, it is really helpful to understand what causes procrastination, and to learn some techniques to help you beat the push to dawdle and defer what you know you need to do.

So, what can you do to overcome procrastination?

Top Tips to Stop Procrastinating

  • Give yourself a countdown

Mel Robbins talks in her book ‘The 5 Second Rule: The Surprisingly Simple Way to Live, Love, and Speak with Courage‘ about how our decisions and actions depend on what she calls ‘push moments’. These are times when you hear a voice, feel a push, to do something different. Yet, most times you just fall back into what you always do. So, you might know that you need to write a particular letter, but instead you just go to check your social media ‘only for a second’.

Mel Robbins suggests that if, in that moment, you give yourself a countdown, you can listen to that wise inner voice, and make a change. She likes a countdown from five to one, because it’s very quick – that’s how much time you have to make a change before habit drags you back into your rut. Also, once you get to zero, there’s nowhere else to go: you’ve got to ‘lift off’!

  • Get moving

Doing even a short amount of movement, HIIT-style, gives you a quick boost to your focus and willpower.

For example, you could get up and run up a couple of flights of stairs as fast as possible. Or do ten burpees. Or jog on the spot for a minute at top speed.

All of these get your blood flowing, your mind activated, and give you a boost. Then, it’s much easier to make a start on something difficult.

  • Release the emotion

Using EFT or tapping is a great way to release the emotion that is blocking you from getting on with whatever it is you feel hesitant about.

If you can recognise what the emotion is that is fuelling your procrastination, you can use the basic recipe to tap it away, or at least get yourself unstuck.

For example, tapping the side of the hand (karate chop point) you could say: ‘Even though I feel bored at the thought of this task, and it feels like it’ll take so long, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.’

Then, tapping round the points, you can either use a reminder phrase like ‘This boredom’ or ‘This procrastination’. Or, just say whatever comes into your head in the moment.

Once you feel calmer, it may suddenly be a lot easier to make a start on whatever you’ve been putting off.

  • Schedule the task in the morning

It’s been shown that you have a set amount of willpower each day. So, if you have something you know you are resisting doing, scheduling it first thing means you have the highest amount of willpower when you make a start.

  • Break things down

As mentioned above, one of the main reasons for procrastination is if a task feels overwhelming. Breaking it down into manageable chunks is a great way to ease into it.

It’s also good to start with the easiest chunk, if possible. Achieving a quick success gives you a boost in motivation that will help you through other harder parts.

  • Be compassionate with yourself

Beating yourself up for procrastinating just stresses you out more. Negative self-talk can become a vicious cycle: the more you berate yourself, the less capable you feel of doing anything differently, and the more everything feels like a struggle.

Instead, take some time to acknowledge that you’ve been struggling, and offer yourself forgiveness. When you feel less stressed, it will be easier to actually get the task done.

  • Ask for/find help

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, then getting a bit of help can be the perfect antidote.

Consider who might have skills or knowledge that would be of assistance to getting your task done. Or who might have a bit of time to lend a hand. Asking for help is a way to achieve the needed results, and shows awareness of the issue, and the strength to take a step outside of your comfort zone.

Obviously, if it’s a task at work that has been assigned to you, it may not be possible to ask for help (though don’t totally discount this). Still, there may be other resources that will help you: software or tools, either physical or perhaps online. Taking a bit of time to find something that will make your job more manageable, so it actually gets done, is a good investment. As opposed to going and surfing social media again 😉

Talking of asking for help, here are some other ways that you can make your task easier:

How coaching can help

A coach can help you with procrastination by helping you to get clear on why you’re finding a particular task so challenging. They can also encourage you to break down tasks into manageable chunks and to start with the easy stuff, so you get a little dopamine boost for having succeeded.

A coach is also there as an accountability partner, to keep you on track. And they can help you formulate your why: why it matters that you get this thing done. Having some positive motivation can be the little extra push you need to make a start.

How hypnosis can help

In a hypnotic state, it is easier to find a sense of calm. That can help relieve the stress so that you can see things more clearly, and think more creatively. Coming up with alternate solutions, or innovative ways of getting a task done, or simply boosting your feelings of resourcefulness, will all support you in getting down to things.

In addition, a hypnotherapist can guide you through some parts work. In this, you can find out what the positive intent of each part of yourself is, and negotiate with them to achieve the best possible outcome for the whole of you.

You can also bring in your highest motivation, and visualise achieving your goal, building more energy and enthusiasm for the task ahead.

How tapping can help

Tapping can not only be used to help get yourself calm enough to see things clearly. It can also release the difficult emotions and preconceptions around a task. And perhaps even more importantly, you can also tap in resources that will help you get the job done!

If you’d like some help getting over your procrastination, why not get in contact? Email me at or call 07561 231281.


Top Ten Ways to Improve Your Self-Esteem, and Why it Matters

In the social-media-filled world of today, there is so much evidence of what other people are doing. So much emphasis on how you should look, what you ought to eat, how you should act, even what you should feel. And so few of us seem to measure up!

This constant comparison to your own detriment can easily lead to a sense of low self-esteem.

The Tyranny of Expectations

Some people call this the tyranny of expectations: the expectations placed on you by society, but also the expectations you place on yourself. Always trying to measure up to some idea of perfection, or just of how your life ought to be.

And when you fail, which you always do because life is never perfect, then you blame yourself and feel worthless. Not only that, but the worse you feel about yourself, the more you undermine yourself.

It’s a bizarre fact that often, if you feel bad about yourself in one area of your life, this will generalise to other areas. Low self-esteem spreads a pall of malaise that undermines your happiness in all aspects of your existence.

For instance, if you feel you are not slim enough, you may not present yourself well. People at work will notice this reticence, and take it as a sign that you are not good at your job. Being down on yourself will also make it hard for you to believe someone else could love you, so you sabotage your friendships and more intimate relationships. So, what started as just weighing a couple of pounds or kilos more than you think you should can lead to a downward spiral of ‘I’m not good enough!’

This is why it’s vital to get a handle on your self-esteem and reverse this pattern. The great bit is that there are lots of ways to work on your self-esteem. And that by boosting how you feel in one area, that will also generalise across your life – to the positive!

Top Ten Tips to Boost Self-Esteem

  1. Stop negative self-talk – while this isn’t always easy, there are lots of ways to go about it. For example, try journalling the negative talk you most often fall into. Becoming more aware of it, you can start to notice it in the moment as it happens. And then remind yourself that this is just trash talk. Finally, remind yourself of something positive about yourself, to reverse this pattern.
  2. Meditate – closely related to the last point, meditation is great because it helps you to become more aware of the thoughts that float through your mind, and also to realise that they are not ‘you’.
  3. Focus on positives – this is not about being falsely happy. Rather, just as you journal about negative self-talk, also take time to reflect on the positives in your life. A gratitude journal is a wonderful support in this. Try to make these positives real and down-to-earth. For example, give thanks for the ability to see, or for the beautiful sunrise, or for the smile someone gave you on the way to work.
  4. Connect with others – it’s a truism that no person is an island. You are a social animal, whether you like other people much or not. Even people who tend to say they hate everyone still find people they can sit and enjoy a conversation with, or a book that engrosses them (which was written by another person). Cultivating any form of connection with others will support your self-esteem, as others will see your positives more easily than you do.
  5. Be more assertive – standing up for yourself, and defending your own positives and point of view, are goods ways to remind yourself that you really are worth it!
  6. Find something to stretch you – being in flow, doing an activity which challenges you enough to be interesting, but not so much as to overwhelm you, is hugely uplifting. You lose all sense of time, and feel very alive. This boosts your self-esteem, as you see what you are achieving, and have fun at the same time.
  7. Practice self-care – be it having a relaxing bath, rubbing on moisturiser, cooking yourself something delicious and nutritious, or any of the other myriad things you can do to be kind to yourself, these things all show you that you believe you are worth taking care of.
  8. Find healthy ways to motivate yourself – sometimes, people think that their negative critic is a good thing, as it pushes them to be better. However, this generally doesn’t work out, as you can never please that inner critic. Instead, find some positive forms of motivation. For example, remind yourself of the positive benefits of anything you want to achieve. Once again, a good use for your journal 🙂 Refocus on what you enjoy: doing something you enjoy is intrinsically motivating, rather than you having to fabricate motivation out of thin air.
  9. Self-appreciation – in the same way that you journal about things you are grateful for in your life, spend a bit of time each day thinking about what you appreciate about yourself. Try to find three things each day that you did well, or that you can simply appreciate about yourself. For example, you might have listened to a friend in need, or you might have taken time to do some self-care.
  10. Recognise that you are good enough – this connects back to the first point. Oftentimes, your inner critic is down on you because you aren’t perfect. So, take some time to recognise that you are good enough. This combines compassion and realism. For example, do you really need to have a perfect eating day to achieve your ideal healthy weight? Maybe you can recognise that just doing one small thing better than you would normally do is already an achievement. Walking an extra stop rather than catching the bus, or eating a piece of fruit instead of a piece of chocolate, these are all steps in the right direction. Not perfect, but good enough!

In line with that last point, try to adopt just one of these practices, or maybe one a week. You don’t need to do everything all at once! Making small changes will add up to improving your self-esteem over time, generalising it to your whole life.

How coaching can help

It’s all well and good to set goals for yourself. However, often these goals are chosen one day and abandoned by the next. To make lasting changes, it can be useful to have some support.

A coach can help clarify what the true purpose behind your end goal is, and in that way help you choose the best way to move towards it. They can also focus you on how realistic your goals are. Finally, a coach can  help you create a practical action plan to make your goals happen, and keep you accountable so you stick to it.

How hypnotherapy can help

Hypnotherapy can be especially useful in dealing with negative self-talk, or so called automatic negative thoughts. These thoughts do become automatic over time, and so an intervention like hypnosis can be just the ticket to break the habit! You can also use it to instil more uplifting patterns, to keep your focus and motivation.

In addition, using hypnorelaxation can be a way to try out different meditation techniques, to see which one/s work best for you in calming your mind and your inner critic.

Finally, you can use so-called pseudo-orientation in time to project yourself into the future. That way, you improve your motivation and unconscious goal orientation by seeing yourself succeed at what you’re intending.

If you’d like some support in increasing your  self-esteem and achieving your goals, why not get in touch? Email me at, or call on 07561 231 281.


This is why I use pictures with my clients

How often have you struggled to put into words something that you’re feeling? Maybe it’s a goal you want to achieve that you can’t quite articulate. Or something feels off in your life, but you’re unsure exactly what it is. Equally, you may struggle when asked to brainstorm, coming up completely blank.

To help in all these situations, I like to use images with my clients. However, it wasn’t always this way.

The Backstory

Back when I was training as a psychotherapist, I got into a few arguments with one of my tutors. He was old-school psychoanalytic, and a strong believer in the ‘purity’ and ‘neutrality’ of the therapy space. According to him, there should never be anything but two people in the therapy room. Well, a couple of chairs and a couch and maybe a painting on the wall, but you had to think carefully about what the picture showed, to be as neutral as possible.

The concept of using objects or images purposefully as part of the therapy filled him with righteous anger. Yet, for me, what he was saying was blatantly ridiculous.

There is no such thing as a ‘neutral’ space. As soon as you walk into the room with someone, you look at what they are wearing, you listen to how they speak, you notice their perfume or aftershave or lack thereof. Beyond the therapist’s person, you take note of the colour the walls are painted, the style of the furnishings, where the building is, what kind of building it is. Already so much information on which to base assumptions and judgements.

Using Imagery

If you get so much ‘extraneous’ information about someone from the first second you meet them, can there be such a thing as ‘neutrality’? My answer: No!

And if there is no neutrality, then bringing more things or images into the space isn’t a huge crime, a watering down of the therapeutic environment. In fact, it could even add to it!

If you’ve ever struggled to put things into words, using images or objects as a prompt can be really helpful.


For example, if you need to brainstorm something, choose a couple of images at random and see what ideas they help you come up with on your given subject. You can do this using postcards, or googling for something: a situation, an object, a person, even an emotion.

A visual cue may activate quite different thoughts and ideas than just working around the question logically. And the randomness of elements in an image can spark ‘out of the box’ thinking.

Looking for a Feeling

It’s not just about coming up with new ideas, either. You can also use images to figure out what you are feeling.
You may know things are a bit off somewhere, without knowing precisely why, or being able to say what it is you feel about the situation.

A visual cue provides an external way to gain clarity. Through reflecting on an image, you can achieve a different perspective. Rather than your feelings being inside you, hard to see, you project them outside, onto a picture. Then, by saying what you see, you can then realise what is going on inside.

So many of my clients have had ‘aha’ moments when asked to describe an image, and then asked where in their lives they have that feeling or have experienced something similar. Until you can get that little bit of distance, it can be hard to see something that is within yourself. Once it’s outside you, though, suddenly ‘boom’ you can see it!

Imagining Your Future

Not only that, images can also be used to connect with what you want to be feeling.

Have you ever had the experience of wanting something – a new job, a better relationship, an exciting holiday – and then discovering that even with that thing, you still don’t feel happy?

Often, you may put your hopes onto a particular thing or person. In fact, what you are really seeking is to feel a particular way. Getting clear on how it is you want to feel can open the path to achieving that in ways that are real, rather than what your head tells you should be the solution.

Choosing an image that represents your desired goal, and then considering how it ‘feels’, rather than just what it represents logically, helps you figure out what you really want to achieve.

Equally, there is a large body of evidence for the effectiveness of visualisation in achieving your goals. This is one part of the science behind hypnosis. However, not everyone is skilled at visualising, even when in trance. Having an image to act as a springboard can be really powerful, and empowering.

Using Imagery in Coaching

In a coaching context, you are often encouraged to create a vision board. This helps with the process of clarifying what you want. It also helps in goal-setting, establishing what you would need to see, hear and feel to know you have achieved your goal.

You can also use a single image in brainstorming, or as a motivational tool. The old practice of putting a picture on your fridge to remind you of your motivation (or in more modern terms perhaps making it the screen saver on your phone or computer), really can work.

Using Imagery in Hypnosis

Some people find it really easy to visualise when in trance. However, if you are not one of them, it can be very helpful to have one or more images to use as a springboard for imaginal work. In this way, you can make your visualisations clearer and more powerful, helping you to achieve your goals faster and more effectively.

Equally, using images can be a way to determine the focus for a particular session. It can clarify what you need in the moment, and what you want to achieve. It can also be helpful if you are someone who has difficulty putting what you feel into words. In this way, it helps you explain your goals to your therapist, so that you can better design an approach together.

Using Imagery in Tapping

In tapping, like hypnosis, it can be important to hone in on what you are feeling in the moment, or about a particular subject. Using images can help with this, providing a safe distance so that you can explain something without having to go into the content of your material, if you don’t want to. You can also use an image as your ‘reminder’ – using the words ‘that image’ instead of having to define the emotions involved or name the situation.

This helps you to get in touch with the material you want to work on, without having to go into details you don’t want to discuss, or that are too painful for you to approach directly. In this way, you keep the power of the tapping, without having to disclose anything you don’t want to, or go into details that might feel too raw.


If you’d like to talk through how this approach might benefit you, please get in touch by phone (07561 231 281) or email (

Here’s why you need to tap into emotion

Like the Christmas song ‘I saw Mommy kissing Santa,’ everyone has a story of something they experienced which affected them at a deep emotional level. Years later, the memory and the associated feelings and beliefs persist.

Memories are laid down when something happens that you get emotional about. That’s why you need to use emotion as a fuel to also unlock and release those memories.

People talk about situations that occur fuelling your anger or fuelling your desire. Actually, it’s the other way round: it’s your emotions that fuel the way you perceive things.

An every day example might be reading a trolling comment on the Internet. You get all angry and riled, and can’t sleep for being so annoyed. Telling yourself it doesn’t matter just doesn’t help!
This kind of thing happens to most people fairly regularly, a small but persistent source of stress. Or you may have bigger emotional issues or memories troubling you. Either way, stress is considered perhaps the biggest problem of modern society.
So, how can you de-stress?

Releasing emotions

Tapping, or EFT, is a scientifically validated way to very gently deal with stress and emotional blocks. It uses three basic tools, combined in an infinite number of ways.
The three basic tools are:
Gentle tapping on acupressure points
Reducing resistance to releasing blocks
Evoking the emotions to be dealt with
Let’s take a look at each of those.

Tapping on acupressure points

Emotional blocks create energetic blocks in your body. Just think of how you can get a tension headache, or feel sick to your stomach, due to emotional situations.
Psychoneuroimmunology is the modern scientific term used to admit that body and mind are intimately connected. Studies have shown that tapping on various acupressure points can encourage the energy in your body to flow again, releasing those emotional blocks in the process.

Reducing resistance

Though it may seem strange, you often resist releasing blocks. This could be for a reason as seemingly simple as being used to and ‘comfortable’ with the status quo. Or it could be something a little harder to shift: a deep belief that you are not worthy of happiness, for example.
Finding these limiting beliefs, and releasing them, is an important part of the process. Otherwise, they sabotage you letting go of your problems.

Evoking Emotion

Part of the tapping process is connecting to the problematic situation, emotion or physical symptom. In this way, you are targeting the problem itself, rather than just randomly moving things around.
For this, it’s good to use words that clearly remind you of the issue. You can also ‘feel’ the problem and describe it, especially with physical symptoms. Alternatively, you can visualise the problem, either internally, or using a picture or image as a cue.

EFT – Tapping

One of the great things about EFT is that you can use this tool for yourself. The basics are easy to learn, and there are a wealth of free resources available online to help.
Still, there are times when it’s helpful to have a trained person to guide you.
This is especially useful if you are not sure where to start. Or if you try by yourself but don’t seem to be making progress. Or if you struggle with motivation despite knowing you need to make changes. Equally, if you have more serious or complex issues such as phobias or a history of trauma.
If you would like to feel less stressed, calmer and more joyful, or if you have negative emotions you just can’t seem to shake, why not try a tapping session?
You can get in touch at or call on 07561 231 281.

Taking a Blogging Break

When life gets busy, sometimes it is necessary to prioritise. This is part of the approach I discussed last week, in terms of building resilience to overcome the everyday obstacles of life.

In that vein, I’ll be taking a blogging hiatus over the summer. While I’ll still be available for client sessions, I have priorities besides blogging that I need to focus on for the next couple of months.

If you want some help setting your own priorities and sticking to them, why not get in touch: 07561 231 281 or email

How To Navigate Life’s Winding Roads

Problem-solving for particular issues is a great skill to develop. Yet, life has its ups and downs, its twists and turns, that must be faced everyday.

While there will always be practical things you can do to navigate these, perhaps the biggest strength you can draw on is your inner resources. Chief among these is resilience, the ability to bounce back after minor (or not so minor) setbacks, and to carry on with determination and enthusiasm.

Build your resilience

Problem-solving and building your external resources in the form of support networks are practical, action-based ways to respond to adversity. However, possibly the most important thing you can do to help overcome life’s road blocks is to build your inner resilience.

This may also be part of the previous point, about finding a support network. Finding someone to help you build your resilience can really help move you towards your goals.

Whether you plan to build resilience on your own or with help, what aspects help you develop the inner strength required to overcome obstacles?

Increase your self-confidence

If you can look at problems as something manageable, as opportunities rather than challenges, then you are more likely to come up with solutions.

For instance, remember problems you have faced before, and how you overcame them. Think about the skills and capacities you have.

Stay flexible

As the brainstorming exercise for Disney’s creative problem-solving shows, you need to stay capable of seeing different options. Getting locked into rigid ideas will box you in. So, think about how to stay adaptable. A playful attitude helps with this 🙂

If you are stuck with a problem, take a time out to get your body moving, or to do something fun. Many successful people build in ‘breaks’ on purpose throughout the day, to freshen their minds and approaches.

Get clear on your goals

It’s easier to find a way forward when you know what really matters to you. Sometimes, you find yourself fighting through road blocks, and then realise you have let these divert you from your actual course. Or else, you may find that if you focus on the big picture, rather than your next step, you can get to your goal a different, less blocked way.

What is it that you are really trying to achieve? For example, if you want to get a new job, what is the end goal? Do you want to be earning more money, or doing something more stimulating? Are you hoping for a better set of colleagues, or a more pleasant work environment? It may be that getting a new job isn’t actually the best way for you to achieve your goal right now. Perhaps you really just need to ask for a raise, or suggest the company hires a new catering firm…

Be organised

If your energy is dispersed in many different directions, it is very hard to move beyond obstacles. When things get tough is precisely when you need to focus your energy most specifically. A big push can get you over the hump, whereas if you fritter your strength away doing a bit of this and a bit of that, you may not have what you need to deal with the adversities you are facing. So, get clear, and then be organised and focused on what is most important.

To-do lists can help with this, or a clear timeline of when things need to be done by. Get clear on your priorities, too.

Let go of negativity

If you focus on what you can’t do, or on how big those rocks are, it saps your vitality. Releasing fears and worries, doubts and concerns, can help you get clear and focused, as well as increasing your feeling of self-confidence.

One way to up your positivity is some kind of gratitude practice of exercise. Think about the good things in your life, what truly makes you smile. Of course, this won’t in itself solve your problems. However, when you feel more positive you are also more creative and energised. That way, you are better able to solve your problems yourself.

How hypnotherapy and coaching can help

Coaching is a great tool for helping you get clear on what your real goal is, and the coaching session can be the perfect time to work on problem solving, goal setting, and being organised. Talking over what has worked in the past can also help focus you on the positives, and build your self-confidence.

Hypnotherapy is also perfect for all aspects of resilience building.

When you are in a light trance state, you are more in touch with your subconscious, which is the creative, imaginative, playful part of yourself. You are also more clear and focused, and can bring to mind aspects of the past that can help you now. And you can find and build other inner resources, to increase your self-confidence further.

Hypnotherapy has some wonderful tools to help you visualise your future as you want it, too. That way, your subconscious can provide answers about how to achieve it.

And hypnotherapy or hypnorelaxation can also be used to release negativity. For instance, try this brief meditation to release blocks:

What To Do When Life Throws Stones In Your Path

Have you ever had one of those days/weeks/months/years when life just seems to keep throwing stones in your path?

For example, you want to change job, but there are no interesting jobs in your area. Or you apply for jobs, only to get turned down after the first interview. Or you get to the final interview stage, only to be pipped at the post by someone younger/older/insert adjective of choice.

Or perhaps you are looking for a new relationship, only for your best friend to hook up with the guy or gal you liked. Or you’re sick and tired of online dating after your profile got accidentally deleted, or hacked, or flooded with ‘offers’ you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy. Or you keep getting into relationships that just don’t work out, leaving you even more disillusioned

Or maybe you want to move home. Lawyers, surveyors, estate agents. ‘Nuff said.

So, what can you do when life continually chucks rocks at you?

Look at every problem as having a solution

First off, there are always options. You may not like some of them, but that doesn’t mean they don’t exist. You need to consider these, and choose the best option for you at this time.

If you don’t like the options you have, consider how you could make them more palatable.

Secondly, there may be options you haven’t thought about. Try a brainstorming exercise to help you find new possibilities.

Walt Disney
Walt Disney talking with some of his creatives

Walt Disney’s approach to problem-solving

Walt Disney, despite his many faults, had a great approach to problem solving. He suggested keeping the steps to a solution totally separate. That could mean having different people handle each step, or really getting into the role of each kind of problem solver.

The three roles or steps he distinguished were: the Dreamer, the Realist, and the Critic. And after they’ve done their bit, you need to decide what you are actually going to do: create an action plan.

The Dreamer

Here’s where you brainstorm. It can be a good idea to warm up to this by doing something playful, by moving around, and generally getting yourself unstuck physically and mentally.

Then, be as creative and as silly as you like. Think of as many possibilities as you can, without censorship. Nothing is too daft, at this stage!

The Realist

Now, it’s time to think about what is actually possible. What would be needed to make any of those ideas work? Who could help? When would it have to happen? Think about the reality of putting any of those solutions into effect.

If something is totally impossible, you’ll have to cross it off your list. Still, you may find that some of that dreamer playfulness helps you come up with realistic possibilities to make something unusual actually work.

The Critic

Finally, the critic comes to spread gloom and doom. “That’s not possible because…” “Worst case scenario, you end up with…” “What about if X happened?” “What’s missing?” “What are the weaknesses of the plan?”

By digging into the downside, rather than optimistically going along with something because you’d like it to be possible, you make it more likely that what you choose will actually succeed. There’s a skill to seeing the weaknesses in a plan, a strength to not letting your enthusiasm run away with you.

Action Plan

Taking into account everything you’ve thought about with your different hats on, which solution works best for you? Which solution is feasible? What do you want to move forward with?

You may not find the ‘perfect’ solution in this way. However, at least you will be clear about what the best path for you is right now. Sometimes, you have to take the least bad option and just run with it.


Find a support network

When things are tough, it can also be really helpful to get some support.

That might be financial support (think bankers, or parents, or mates who’ll buy you a beer). It could be strategic support (financial advisers, CV specialists, coaches), administrative support (accountants, payroll specialists, a PA – virtual or otherwise, a dating site), or logistical support (removals firms, friends who have friends who are also single). It could be emotional support (therapists, family, friends).

Consider what support you most need, and who can provide it. Will you need to pay for help? Can you find someone knowledgeable from your existing network? How can you get the most from your interactions?


You may want to consider what a coach and/or hypnotherapist can contribute, in this regard.


A coaching session is a great way to create the focus for problem-solving. Your coach can help you find greater clarity around what the exact issue is, and what your end goal is.

For example, if you want a new relationship, are you looking for intimacy, companionship, sex, someone to help pay the bills, someone to grow old with? Maybe you think all of the above, with a sense of humour thrown in for good measure! Still, it can help to get clear about what your priorities are.

Say you’re looking to create a more fulfilling career for yourself, your coach can help you problem-solve around what you need to do and in what order. You might use Disney’s Creative Strategy, but what will help you with the brainstorming? A coach can suggest techniques to assist at every stage, such as using visual cues to bring your playful side onboard while brainstorming, or creating a timeline to assess the practicality of something.


When facing problems, it can sometimes be hard to see beyond the current issues. Hypnotherapy can help to get you in touch with your subconscious, which is a more creative and focused part of yourself.

You might want to focus on bringing to mind past solutions that you can draw on in the present, things you may have consciously forgotten.

You could also visualise the future you want to create, and allow your subconscious to ‘fill in the gaps’: suggesting ways for you to get there.

You could simply use the trance state to enhance your creativity so that you can brainstorm without getting caught up in the ‘shoulds’ and ‘ought tos’ that often block us.

In hypnosis, you can also build your motivation to push on through, and to find the fun in making things work against the odds.

If you’d like some help with a stony problem, why not call or email to set up a free initial consultation? You can contact me on 07561 231 281 or email

What Is Hypno Relaxation

One way of doing it which is growing in popularity is to attend a hypno relaxation class, or even treat yourself to a private hypno relaxation session.
So, what exactly is hypno relaxation and why is it so good for you?

Fast and Effective

Hypno relaxation is a way to quickly help you reach a deep level of relaxation.  It uses hypnotic language to guide you through the process, which means you can reach a wonderful state of inner peace rapidly, and make the most of your time to benefit from the advantages of mindful relaxation.  And as you are being guided throughout, you are also less likely to find your mind drifting to your to-do list or the latest TV show you are into.  That way, the time you spend in relaxation is more effective, too.

Holistic Focus on De-Stressing

Many forms of meditation or relaxation help you de-stress in one way or another, but may not do so holistically.  For example, a massage may help to release the tension in your body, but your mind may still be whirring.  Or counting your breath may occupy your mind, yet you find yourself struggling to focus because your leg/s are getting pins and needles.
Hypno relaxation sessions take a holisitic approach, ensuring that you are relaxed in both body and mind.  You can also use the experience to find inner resources to help you cope better in your everyday life.  And the sessions can help to improve your motivation to make these positive changes, even if it’s just remembering to breathe for a minute every now and again.


Maximise Your Mind-Body Connection

There’s a growing interest in the scientific literature in what is called psychoneuroimmunology.  Basically, there is more and more evidence of the link between your thoughts and your physical well-being.  This has been used for all kinds of well-being improvements, be it reducing hot flushes, improving IBS symptoms, or reducing the impact and frequency of the colds you may catch.
Hypno relaxation is one of the most effective ways of targeting this powerful connection.  When you are thoroughly relaxed and yet also focused on what is happening, you can make changes at a deep, subconscious or unconscious level.  These changes recruit your body’s natural ability to heal, and put it to work for you.

Find what works best for you

In a hypno relaxation class or session, you can learn a number of different techniques to help you relax, breathe better, de-stress, and recruit your subconscious to improve your physical well-being.  In this way, you get to experience these different approaches, and find which ones work best for you.  On top of that, practising these while in a relaxed state improves your ability to learn, and reinforces you motivation to put them to work in your day-to-day life.

Benefits of a Personalised Session

In addition to all the wonderful aspects of a hypno relaxation class, what benefits are there to having a personalised, one-to-one session?
In the first place, you can choose which areas you most want to focus on: physical relaxation; mental calm; health; or techniques to help you outside of sessions.  You can also let your clinical hypnotist know if there is a particular resource you want to find and make use of, a specific area of well-being you want to improve, or something in particular you want to be able to do better.
Secondly, having someone focused specifically on you means that everything in the session is timed, paced and targeted to best suit your preferences and your natural rhythms.  For example, imagery can be more everyday, more nature-based or more fantasy-based, depending on what you like and respond to.  You can choose how long a session you want, to match your schedule.  And the pace of delivery can be faster or slower, to match your body’s own rhythms.

The Bottom Line

At the end of the day, hypno relaxation is a fast and effective way to relax in every sense of the word.  Sessions can focus on lots of different aspects, providing a great way to try different elements and figure out what works best for you.  Hypno relaxation can not only de-stress you, but can also help you achieve a greater sense of vitality and wellbeing, as well as activating your immune system to be healthier overall.
Classes are popping up all over the place, so why not give it a go? And if you are interested in a private session, you can contact me to see if we are a good fit. Call me on  07561 231 281 or email me on

Top Eight Reasons To Relax

Relaxation is something we all need and enjoy in one form or another, be it reading a book, listening to music, walking in nature, or doing nothing at all.  Yet many people don’t take time to relax on a regular basis.

Life can seem really hectic and stressful, and there is a feeling of “who has time to relax?”  Knowing just how important it is, though, may change how you choose to prioritise your time.  Here’s a run down of the top eight reasons to make mindful relaxation a regular part of your life:

1) Relieve Stress

Ask just about anyone, and they will admit to having a certain amount of stress in their lives.  And for many, stress becomes quite a bane.  Stress can cause all kinds of physical problems, too, from skin conditions to irritable bowel syndrome.  It is even recognised as a trigger for depression and other serious mental conditions.  All told, reducing your stress can improve both your physical and mental well-being

2) Restore and Strengthen Your Immune System

Relaxation gives your immune system a break from stress hormones which compromise it, such as cortisol.  More than that, though, meditation actually increases your body’s defence systems.  Studies show that T cells and antibodies, both important elements of your immune system, improve with mental and physical relaxation.

3) Provide Some Relief From Chronic Pain

While relaxing both body and mind isn’t a magic wand to remove all pain, there are plenty of studes which show that meditation and relaxation help you manage pain better.  In particular, taking charge by actively seeking to reduce your pain is an important first step.  Relaxing your muscles can help reduce the sensation of pain, while mental relaxation leads to less stress.  Stress can also lead to anxiety and depression, all of which worsen the perception of pain.  Altogether, mindful relaxation is a win-win on the pain front.

4) Improve Sleep

Relaxation has also proved to improve sleep, both in quantity and quality.  Of course, some people use relaxation and meditation practices specifically for sleep.   However, it’s striking that studies aimed at quite different goals also show improvements in sleep – both how long people sleep and how well they feel they sleep.

This is a benefit that accrues over time.  While relaxation can help in a specific instance, regular relaxation practice will affect the amount you sleep and how rested you feel long term, too.

5) Help to Lower Blood Pressure

It’s well-known that high blood pressure is an indicator of cardiovascular risk – the likelihood of suffering a heart attack.  Mindful relaxation reduces your blood pressure, not only in the moment, but throughout your day.

6) Help to Widen and Relax Respiratory Passages

When you relax, your breathing slows and becomes deeper.  Relaxation can also help release tightness in your chest muscles.  Both of these help you breathe better, which helps in a wide range of situations.  For example, it helps with anxiety and asthma attacks, and improves blood oxygenation, which helps nourish all the cells in your body and especially in your extremities.

7) Calm the Automatic Flight-or-Fight Response

While it’s very important to respond quickly to emergencies, in our modern life this response gets triggered by far too many situations.  Be it the tension of watching an exciting program on TV, or the hustle and bustle of city life, lots of everyday occurrences can cause this response.  And when we are in the flight-or-fight mode, other less urgent survival processes take second place.  So, when your fight-or-flight response is triggered too much, it makes it harder for you to digest your food well, or to conceive a baby (and it influences male fertility, as well as that of the woman), amongst many other less immediate survival concerns.

8) Unlock Emotional Blockages

Many people recognise that their emotions have a negative effect on their well-being.  Be it anger that comes out inappropriately, causing trouble with friends or colleagues, or loneliness that sees you snacking by yourself, emotional blockages can cause a lot of damage.  As for how relaxation can help, there is evidence that relaxing your muscles also helps the mind to release its tensions.  This is partly a complementary response – release of one kind triggers release of another kind.

There is also the well-documented fact that we can actually store memories in our bodies.  We talk about muscle memory with things like learning to ride a bike, or how to write with a pen.  Yet, it goes far beyond this.  Many people have had the experience of releasing a muscle through massage or a yoga class, and suddenly having a strong memory of an emotional experience rise up in them.  Our anxieties and experiences are stored in our bodies, and so releasing the tension from muscles through mindful relaxation can also loosen up these muscle memories, allowing them to become unblocked.

The Bottom Line

The bottom line is that mindfully relaxing on a regular basis is good for both your physical and mental well-being.  While you’ll get some of the benefits from things such as taking a walk or lying quietly listening to music, the more mindfully you relax, the better.  That might mean focusing on your breathing while you think about releasing the tension throughout your body, or it could be attending a hypno relaxation class or session, or listening to a guided relaxation.

A final thought, relaxing doesn’t need to take long.  You can devote just five minutes at a time to relaxing, either by yourself or using a guided hypno relaxation recording like this one.

How Understood Do You Feel?

A recent blog post caught my eye. It asked: if you speak multiple languages, do you need multiple therapists?

Language Is Cultural

The conclusion was that there are some things which can only be said and understood in a particular language with a cultural background to match. Therefore, only someone who speaks the same language can fully understand you.

This idea that some words just don’t translate goes part way to explaining why English has adopted certain foreign words outright. For example, Zeitgeist is ‘the defining spirit or mood of a particular period of history as shown by the ideas and beliefs of the time’. Or Schadenfreude: ‘pleasure derived by someone from another person’s misfortune’.

Now, you may be saying that, given we adopted these words, we have the same experience. Is that true, though?



Let’s take the example of hospitality. Yes, English has the word, as do most languages.  What do you mean by it, though?

In certain cultures and times, hospitality has meant that you should offer to wash your guest’s feet, or allow them to sleep with one of your wives. At other times, in other cultures, it includes allowing a stranger to camp in your garden, or offering tea and sandwiches in the parlor to people you have already been introduced to while strangers may get some broth in the kitchen with the servants.

These kind of cultural differences can even be seen within a single country. Hospitality in London is surely a different beast to hospitality in the Outer Hebrides.

I would argue that it goes further than this, though.


Imagine a close friend who considers loyalty a paramount value. To him, this means always supporting friends and family.

While you may respect loyalty, what if independence is a more important value to you? That might mean following the dictates of your beliefs, whether those agree with your friend’s or not.

If your friend ran for an election, he would consider that you must vote for him out of loyalty. However, if you believed another candidate would be better for the job, you would vote for them and consider this good sense, rather than disloyalty.

What you mean by loyalty and what your friend means by loyalty are different, even though you come from the same culture.


The point is this: even if you speak the same language as someone else, you still may not mean the same thing with the words that you use. A lot of misunderstandings come from this.

Whether this is two partners who mean different things when they say I love you, or a work colleague whose notion of ‘soon’ doesn’t match your expectations, language can be a strange barrier.


Getting clear about how and where misunderstandings are happening can be really liberating. Realising that you can work things out by changing your language, or explaining what you mean by a particular word, can seem silly and simple. Yet, sometimes simple is the best way to go.

It can be interesting to have a coach or therapist whose first language is not the same as your own, precisely because you become more aware of this potential for misunderstanding. Still, you don’t need to find someone from another country to benefit from coaching.

The Meta-Model

The Meta-Model is a theory of language used as a coaching tool, and a way of exploring what is really going on for you. Digging into what words mean, for you and for others, can help you find a better way to move forward. It can also be extremely powerful to help you understand what your core values are: so that you can then get them met.

After all, if you don’t truly understand what you want, you don’t know how to go about it, and may not even recognise when you find it.



Another factor is actually being able to communicate without unhelpful emotions or inner dialogues getting in the way.

Hypnosis is a wonderful way to tame your inner demons so that you don’t sabotage yourself. For example, it can help you to change a belief like “I have no luck with job interviews”. In part, it can do this through exploring what you mean by not being lucky, and by boosting your self-esteem and self-confidence. It can also help you to rehearse interview situations and practice how to show yourself to best effect, all within your imagination.

To take another example, that of a romantic couple. In hypnosis you might explore how something your partner says that really upsets you is linked to events in your past. You can heal that past event by revisiting it in your imagination and applying resources from the present day. These resources will then serve you in your current situation.


Successfully communicating what you really mean, and not falling into misunderstanding others, can make your life go much more smoothly. The first part of this is to clarify where the issues are arising, finding the linguistic and cultural aspects that have led to issues. The second part is to change how you interact with others, by changing your perspective and approach. In this way, you understand yourself and others better, and achieve your goals in a more satisfying way.